A Compendium of Witty Retorts (Courtesy of Downton Abbey)

    My dear Reader! What a time it has been since I last wrote. Life has an unpleasant habit of getting in the way of things I would like to do.

    What I present to you today is a gathering of one-line gems with which to adorn your speech, like a restaurateur's favorite garnish decorates his dishes. These all come from the show Downton Abbey, a wonderful series I had the pleasure of experiencing over the summer. The lines are followed by a brief commentary and the instances in which they should be used. Enjoy!

    "So my spies tell me." 

    Use this to add an air of mystery, or in response to the telling of something of which you have been pre-informed. This will put your opponent on guard, and unsure of their own response.

    "Not for the first time, you are mistaken."

    This is particularly useful if you are dead certain of the counterargument you are about to utter. If it turns out that you, not your opponent, are the one mistaken, this can backfire rather quickly. In that case, I recommend a quick escape from the situation. You must salvage what you can of your dignity later.

    "Are you really that tall?"

    On encountering a person of extremely lofty stature, this phrase may be said, instead of the usual and often expected "How tall are you?" or "Do you play basketball?". Question them, as if you believe they may be using stilts. As I am a towering person myself, I would find this refreshing. For best results, use with a voice and countenance brimming with suspicion. 

    "Have you swallowed a dictionary?"

    This has the potential to be terribly useful if your wits are forced to collide with someone who is overly fond of grandiloquent speech. As a logophile myself, I would take immense delight in this person's conglomeration of prolixity. 

    "You've been reading those communist newspapers again."

    The next time someone spouts a ridiculous bit of nonsense, you know exactly what to say, Reader. This jewel needs no more commentary.

    I hope that you have enjoyed these, and that you will be able to use many of them in your day-to-day speech. I hope that this post has been of use to you in your logophilic search for mots justes. I apologize for the delay in thoughts from Thea Knightley. I hope you will forgive me, Reader, and continue to make this blog a part of your online reading. If you have a one-line gem that you would like to share, do so in the comments. 

    *Disclaimer: All thoughts and opinions are the property of Thea Knightley. She warns her readers of the possible negative effects of the use of the quotes that she has here shared. Thus, the consequences of the employment of the said quotes are the responsibility of the reader. :)